Body Love

The relationship you have with yourself is the longest relationship you will ever have in your entire life.

How can we learn to love ourselves and our bodies as they are without feeling like they have to be changed? In today's episode I discuss the secrets of self-love, and small things you can do each day to love yourself a little more, including some personal examples of how I shifted my views of myself. 

Listen now to unlock the love you have to give to yourself, because your body is incredible. 

Transcript

Hey there. Welcome to the Friend in Your Ear podcast. I'm your host, Luna Smith, and I will be that friend inside your ear. Well, we explore all things self-improvement. I'll share tips, motivation and positivity to help you live your best life. From health and wellness to career and relationships. I've got you covered because that's what friends are for, right?

So tune in every week for a friendly chat to brighten your day. And let's make every day a little better together, shall we, friend? And now on with the show. Hey there. Welcome to the friend in your pod. If you listen to last week's episode, I talked a lot about the power of words and how we can influence our thoughts.

Today, I want to talk about how to love ourselves, and it can kind of go back to that that idea of maybe we aren't so in love with ourselves because of the stories that we've been told about our bodies, how the media, the world, which, mind you, is constantly changing their definition of beauty. It's always changing. It's kind of ridiculous how what's considered ideal beauty is just a trend.

So let's listen to those trends. Okay. Because if it's a trend, if physicality is a trend, then you're only going to be on trend a small percentage of the time. It should not be how beauty works. You should love yourself regardless, because your body, you you are the longest relationship you will ever have. And in your entire life, the relationship you have with yourself is the longest relationship you will ever have in your entire life.

I remember when I first heard that idea, I was kind of blown away because it's so true. We don't really think of ourselves and our own relationships within ourselves. Like we don't really think about that as being a relationship. But if you think of it as being a relationship and think about the effect of the things we tell ourselves, how that matters, like would you want to stay in a relationship with someone who is constantly criticizing you and telling you you were uglier, fat, or your arms were too big, or you were too short, or whatever it may be.

If someone was constantly criticizing you like that day after day, would you want to stay in that relationship? We are so much harder on ourselves. We take so much more abuse from ourselves than we do from other people, which is insane because that is the longest relationship you will ever have. So why would you want to be medium yourself?

And again, that might go back to the stories we've been told. You know, the stories have been told by media, by parents, by loved ones, by teachers, by any person of power in our lives. If we've been fed a particular narrative about ourselves and we believe that to be true, of course you do believe that to be true, because if you're telling yourself that constantly, then it becomes your belief about yourself.

How can we change that? How can we undo that negative influence? How can we learn to love ourselves and our bodies as they are without feeling like they have to be changed? If we can shift our focus from our perceived flaws and instead learn to appreciate our bodies for all the amazing things that they do for us, that's a great place to start.

As humans, we as I've discussed in the past, humans have a tendency to focus on the negative, on its survival mechanism, looking for something wrong, looking for something that needs to be fixed or corrected. So we tend to focus on the negative. So it does make it difficult because we will often find ourselves criticizing aspects of ourselves that we deem to be flawed again, typically influenced by current media trends or, you know, other people of power in our lives, feeding us a story about ourselves.

And we believe that to be true. We start to tell ourselves those things, right? It's easy to get caught up in that, to think that we need to look a certain way to want to fix things and correct things about ourselves. But if we just do that, if we just keep thinking about those things, all we will do is focus on our flaws and shortcomings.

Instead of all the amazing things our bodies are capable of. So that is where we start. That is where we start with this idea of self-love. We need to shift our focus. Start paying attention to the little things our bodies do. So much for us. I mean, think of all of the things your body is doing to help you stay alive.

Think of some of us are not so kind to our bodies. And our bodies will still strive and work so hard to guarantee our survival. It's insane. All of the different things going on in your body right now to keep you alive. Are you breathing right now? Your body is doing that for you. Your heart is beating. Your body is taking nutrients from the things that you eat and using it to keep your body going, to keep you alive.

Your body heals when you injure yourself. It does so many things. Practice gratitude for the things your body does for you. Instead of focusing on the things you perceive to be flaws. Can you walk? Can you dance? Can you smile? Can you breathe? Those are all amazing things that your body is capable of. And when we acknowledge these little things, these abilities that we probably take for granted on a daily basis, if we acknowledge them and practice gratitude for the things that our bodies can do instead of the things that they cannot do, then we can really, truly learn to love ourselves.

That idea. Change your thoughts. Change your life if you appreciate your body and practice gratitude, that gratitude will compound upon itself and you will find more and more things to love about yourself if you focus on the positive. There are so many things we can't change about ourselves. Yes, of course, there's surgeries and things that people are doing these days to change the way that they look.

So it is possible to change some things. Yes, much more than that used to be. But still, for a lot of people, that is not reality and it's also not necessary. You don't have to change yourself. You just need to change how you feel about yourself. So start paying attention to the little things, the little beautiful things about your body.

It could be something completely strange. So growing up, I have I have thick thighs. I'm more of a curvy figure, I guess. And when I was going through puberty, that's where I developed first. And I remember being made fun of for it by adults and children alike, and that had a very negative impact on me. I eventually developed an eating disorder thinking that I could, you know, shrink down those areas.

Obviously, that wasn't a healthy way to go, and it still didn't change my shape and my figure and, you know, it didn't help my mind either. And I eventually shifted that eventually by exposing myself to more people that looked like me and realizing that they could still do things that I thought I wasn't able to do because of my looks.

When I had that shift, when I saw that someone else who looked similar in a beautiful light, it helped to shift my own views of myself. Instead of looking at my sick thighs as a flaw, it was reframed into something beautiful. Instead of looking at them as fat, I looked at them as strong because that's what they were.

I couldn't change that anatomy about myself. It's the way that I'm built. But I did change the way I felt about it. I changed the way I thought about it. I focused instead on what it could be, what it was, in fact, not what I been told it was. If you've been told something negative about your body, you can change that.

You can reframe that. And if you reframe that to something more positive, then you will see yourself in that more positive light. I can't even remember the last time I thought of my legs as being too phallic to me. I wouldn't want to change them anymore because I learned to love that about myself. Other strange things I make.

I don't know why, but for some reason I've always liked my collarbones. I don't know why, but for some reason, that's something I liked about myself. So if you need to start somewhere, look at yourself in the mirror. Find something, anything obscure or otherwise about yourself that you love about yourself. Focus on that. And if you can't do that, if you don't find your collarbones attractive.

Focus on function. What can your body do for you? What can my thick the haze do for me? They give me a strong base. They make me feel more rooted and grounded, like I have more balance. Focus on that. Focus on function instead of focusing on what your body looks like. Focus on what it does for you. Can you walk?

Are you walking? Can you dance? Can you stretch? Can you jump? Can you tall? Can you run? Can you cartwheel? Are you capable of lifting heavy things? Are you graceful? Does your body keep you alive? Instead of focusing on how your legs look in a pair of jeans, focus on how your legs get you from place to place.

Focus on how they support you as you work. As you work out, as you get through your day. Think about how much is happening inside your body to keep you alive. Focus on that. Our bodies are doing so much for us and we should love them for that. We should support them for that. So that's how we start, which is shift our focus.

We pay attention to the little things, the things we love. We reframe our thoughts. We shift our focus to think about our bodies in terms of function rather than appearance. And then the most important of all is to remember that relationship with your body, because that is the longest relationship you will have with anyone your entire life. Relationship with yourself.

Think of your body as an ally rather than an adversary. Try to be kind and understanding of what your body is capable of. So it's not just an appearance, but like what we're capable of. Don't hate your body if it cannot run a mile. Focus on what it can do and what it is capable of. Give yourself grace.

Fun fact. I cannot run a mile. I can sprint. I was always a great sprinter, but I could never even in my most fittest. Even when I was a young child and very athletic, I could never run a mile. Still cannot. I am not good at endurance. I accept that as being something my body is not capable of.

But what can I do? I can dance and I can walk and I feel supported by my strong legs. I can lift. I can lift heavy with my legs. Those are things that my body can do. We are all different, so do not compare yourself to me. Do not compare yourself to anyone else. Focus on what you can do with your body.

Everyone has different abilities, ease and limitations. So don't compare yourselves, your looks and your capabilities to anyone else. I know it's hard to do because it's such a human tendency, but if you focus on you and your self and what your body is doing for you, what your body is capable of, then you will love yourself for that.

Okay, so you know how much I talk about mantras and how I do one at the end of every episode? Because if you listen to the last episode, I truly believe in the power of words. And you know, as someone who's had an eating disorder in the past, occasionally I will still find myself falling into that negative mindset.

And I have to remind myself, you know, it's it is work. It is it's not always going to be easy. You will need reminders. You will need to remind yourself to love yourself and define the beauty and the things that you are capable of and the things that you have that are beautiful about yourself. But I wanted to remind myself about why I choose to eat the way that I do, why I want to move the way that I do, why I want to be stronger and give my body more nourishment.

And I had always heard that quote, My body is a temple. I'd heard that. And that is a mantra on a mantra band. But it just didn't resonate with me. And then one day I heard the quote. My body is my home and that really struck me. My body is my home. Your body is your home. If you think about it as your home, it is the one place you live your entire life.

It is you. It is your soul. It is your thoughts. Everything that makes you beautiful is held inside your body. Everything that you love. If you think about that, our homes are places filled with love. If your body is your home, do you want to fill it with hate? Do you want to fill it with negative thoughts and things you don't like?

Your body is your home. Fill it with love. Remember that you are the longest relationship you'll ever have. I know I keep saying that, but it's such truth that I feel like we don't really get told. You know, we don't really think a lot of us I feel like we separate ourselves from our bodies. We're not really realizing that we are one, that our body is our home, that we belong in that body.

We kind of separate our bodies from our minds and we think of it as a thing that needs to be fixed and corrected instead of focusing on the things that it does for us to keep us alive. Your body is your home. How do you treat your home? Your body keeps you safe. It heals you. It gets you from place to place.

Focus on those things. Focus on the things that your body is doing for you every day. It's amazing how much our bodies do for us. And if we focus on those things instead of the things that we perceive to be flaws about ourselves, we can truly love ourselves and our bodies. If we just start with practicing that gratitude every day.

Take a moment to reflect on one thing that you appreciate about your body. It can be the same thing every day, or it can be something different that you notice. But take a moment to reflect on something, just any one thing that your body is doing for you every day, whether it's something as small as your hands, allowing you to cook a meal or to play the guitar or to write words to a loved one or something as big as appreciating your lungs for working so hard and allowing you to breathe.

Just take a moment to think about one thing that you can be grateful for about your body. What is that thing for you today? What do you love about it? Focus on one thing. If we can practice that kind of small gratitude every single day, do you know how much love you will have for yourself? Gratitude is a great way to shift our focus from the negative to the positive.

And the more gratitude you had invite into your life, the more you will have to be grateful for it really does work that way. So start small. What do you love about your body right now? It doesn't have to be looks related. It can be about something it's able to do. But think about something. Write it down. Say it to yourself.

Look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself about something you love about yourself. And remember self-love is a journey. It's not going to be perfect every day. Do not get hard on yourself. If you find yourself continuing to go into negative cycles, negative thought loops as we know about habits, it's incredibly difficult to break out of those.

But it is not impossible. And it's easy to start small. Just start small. If you find yourself saying something negative, just say, Oh, no, no, no, that's not it. This is it. And then say something positive instead. If you find yourself, I don't know, looking in the mirror and thinking, Oh, look at those bags under my eyes. Catch yourself and say, Oh, no, what is something I love about myself?

I am awake right now. I'm awake and I'm breathing. Thank you, body. I might seem really silly, but shift your thoughts to something more positive. It doesn't have to be that particular. Give you anything. Thank you for getting me out of bed today. Body. You know, anything that you have to appreciate about your body, it's important to remember that our bodies are not just physical, they are emotional and mental.

And taking care of our bodies means taking care of ourselves as a whole. Your body is your home. Your body houses, all of you, body and soul. Your body is her home. So move it with love. If it's a goal of yours to work out, to be stronger, it's okay. I mean, it's okay if you even have a goal to lose weight.

It's fine. I'm not saying you have to just settle for how you are. If you want to move in a different direction, that is totally fine too. As long as you are doing it out of love and not out of hate. That is the key here. You have to do it with love. So engage in activities that bring you joy and make you feel good because that is fuel for your body, your soul, your home.

That is how you love yourself and learn to feel more love. And if we do things with love, oh my goodness, it's so much more effective than if we were to do it from a place of hate or negativity. So if we move with love, if we look at ourselves and focus on the things we love, we will invite more of that into our lives.

Let's shift our focus from what our bodies can't do to what they can appreciate, what our bodies do for us. Think about something everyday. You can be grateful for that your body is doing for you. Remember big or small, it doesn't matter. Looks or function that does not matter. Just anything your body is doing for you that you can be grateful for.

Focus on that and you will notice soon enough that your blessings are bountiful. But your body is so beautiful and it needs to be celebrated and appreciated because our bodies are incredible. Our bodies are our loving homes. So actually, I'm going to make that this week's mantra. My body is my home. My body is my home. I hope that resonates with you like it did for me.

How do you want to treat that place? Because you're there for your whole life, so don't waste that time hating on yourself. You are beautiful and you are strong and your body is capable of so much. Your body is your home. So fill it with love. Thank you so much for listening. I was going to to a little body love meditation at the end of this episode, but it looks like this episode went a lot longer than I was expecting it to.

So I'm going to put the meditation up as a bonus on the podcasts Patreon page, which is just Patreon.com/thefriendinyourearpod. You can also find it linked in the show notes if you want to go through a guided body love meditation. Then I hope you'll go over and join that. You'll find it right in the feed.

And it's also a way to support the show. I might start doing more guided meditations as like bonuses on there. I'm not sure. We'll see how it goes. But if you are in need of some extra guidance in learning to love your body, then I hope you will check that out. It's just a way to really guide you to focus on the things your body is capable of instead of on things that you perceive to be flaws.

So thank you so much for listening. I hope that this episode was inspiring or helpful in some way, and if it was, I hope you'll share it. I would love to hear from you what you find to be the most helpful thing from these episodes. And please do not be shy about sending me your good news because I would love to share it on an upcoming podcast.

So please feel free to send me a dime at the friend in your ear pod on Instagram or through my email, which you can find on the site. So thank you so much again for letting me be the friend in your ear. I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week and remember your body is incredible. Don't forget that.

See you next time.